were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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