You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
