we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
