oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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