you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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