I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
