I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
