he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
