I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
