Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
