Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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