Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize