i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dick has a subreddit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
