he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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