I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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