Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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