Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize