just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nutella sex= disaster
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
