new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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