i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
