I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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