it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
