Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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