im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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