I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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