He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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