So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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