I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
