My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
