YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
