the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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