Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
