Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
