drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
