First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
