If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
