At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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