so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
