TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
