the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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