This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
