I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
