That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
