Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
