Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
