D3 body, D1 cock
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
