Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
