they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
