I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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