I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
