You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
