how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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