Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
