she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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