I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
