I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
