So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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