I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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