I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
