I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
