I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
