hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
