I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
