not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
