I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
