So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
