is your mom at the bar?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
