just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
