i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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