before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
